Query Fail #5

From: Joseph Clifford

To: submissions@thievesjargon.com

Dear Editor:

      I am submitting my short story Favors for your consideration. 
     

     My work has appeared in...
     This is a simultaneous submission. 
     

     Thanks for your time.
                                                                      

                                                              joe

From: submissions@thievesjargon.com

To: joeclifford@hotmail.com

Hey Joe,

      thanks for sending that story along. It's not too bad, certainly better-written than most. It'll be among the better pieces we reject this week. Just a numbers crunch, and we can't run everything that we like. I hope you'll be able to find another home for it, and I hope too that you think of us again in the future.

Best,

--Ed., Thieves Jargon

From: Joseph Clifford

To: submissions@thievesjargon.com

Dear Ed.,
 
   

Thanks.  At least this rejection didn't come on the same day I got rejected by my ex-girlfriend.  I mean, how much would that suck?  Anyway, here's another story (Red Pistachios).  Maybe this'll better fit your needs.  I appreciate the kind words.

                                                               joe

From: submissions@thievesjargon.com

To: joeclifford@hotmail.com

Hey Joe,

My ex rejects me every time I talk to her.

I actually liked your first story more than this one. Maybe I just read too much, but I felt like I was able to predict what was going to happen throughout the majority of the story.

We'll try again sometime.

--Ed., Thieves Jargon

                                                                    

From: Joseph Clifford

To: submissions@thievesjargon.com

Ed.,
 


 All right.  Last time I bother you.  But we seem to have a report going, Ed.  Hey, you like film noir?  I love film noir.  My friend Jimmy loves film noir, too.  This story's about a guy named Jimmy who loves film noir so much he takes the drastic action of having... Well, read it and see if you like it.  It's a little weird, a frame story, but of all the stuff I've written (the pieces that haven't been published, that is), it is my favorite, an homage to the tough guys and cheap dames of a time gone by...  Maybe it'll speak to you.  (It'd make my friend Jimmy happy to see this one in print since he's the guy who wants the operation in real life; he's a loser with the ladies, too, a shut-in, alcoholic, tragic story).  So what do you say we try to get Tripping for Biscuits published before he dies?  For Jimmy!!
 
                                                              

                                                  joe

From: submissions@thievesjargon.com

To: joeclifford@hotmail.com

Hey Joe,

Take some time off, and think of us again in the future.

Best,

--Ed., Thieves Jargon

*Note: All three of these stories ("Favors," "Red Pistachios," "Tripping for Biscuits") were eventually picked up and published elsewhere.