I'm Big in Japan Pt. II
"They're giving away 10,000 free tickets to Japan," Justine said, as she fed Holden the fresh cheddar cheese omelet I'd just made him. "'Cause tourism has taken such a hit, y'know, since the tsunami."
Joe continues to make his coffee, extra light and sweet. "What's the catch?" In other words, why are you telling me this?
"You have to be an...influential blogger."
So I looked it up on Yahoo News, my only news' source--some people like FOX. I like Yahoo. Short, sweet, watered-down and homogenized, attention-grabbing nuggets--and she's right.
Interesting. Not sure I'm your guy. I mean, what exactly does "highly influential" imply? I get, like, 400 hits a day on this, and people really seem to enjoy my bashing dirty, stinking hippies. But is that cultural enlightenment? Does overuse of the word "fucktard" and being pissy really qualify one to be an ambassador of good will?
Maybe I'm selling myself short.
If you study this comprehensive list of Candy and Cigarettes' demographics, you'll see Japan is nowhere to be found. But Micronesia is near Japan. I think. I've never been too big on other cultures so it's hard to know exactly, but I am pretty sure they're both...over there..in that big bluish part at the edge of the earth. And you will see pretty high on the list Germany, with whom Japan started a world war, so there's that connection (nothing bonds like a good world war). More importantly, maybe it's time for Joe to stop talking about himself in the third person and branch out a bit. There's no reason my boy should be subjected to the lily-white world in which I was raised.
Having to use social media to promote my trip, the writing about it? That's the easy part.
"It is a land at a crossroads with its own history, wrestling with identity, from the rickshaws still found in the volcanic-forged countryside, to the bullet trains of the modernized, Tokyo metropolis, the Japanese are a proud if contradictory people. They both embrace and shun the Western world, having succeeded in forging and championing the latest technologies, while steadfastly eschewing eminence and American opulence. Today, in Kanazawa, I sat in the Ohmicho Fish Market, a vibrant, open-air food center, where fresh fish just hauled from nearby rivers and the Sea of Japan are sold alongside a wide assortment of pickled roots and hakusai. I ate fresh sushi wrapped in yuba and fried koi balls, before savoring delectable sweets made of dried persimmon, milk, and pocky, washing it all down with a cold bottle of Sapporo. From my seat in the market, I watched boys play baseball in the street, mothers hanging wet clothes out to dry, fathers in suits and ties returning home from work; and as night fell in the land of the rising sun, I realized, perhaps we're not so different after all. Short in stature? Perhaps. But big in heart." Or some such shit. I mean, I just winged that by reading a paragraph on Wikipedia. Think what I could do if I actually went there and learned something about their culture.
Plus, if I went to Japan, I'd probably get published in the New Yorker. The New Yorker loves stories set in Japan. My story will start, "The old woman they call Yokimubobo molded the fishcake, her thin, frail fingers deep in Kamaboko." No fucking way they say no to that shit.
And best of all, the flights would be free. Think I'm going to do it. Take the family on a little va-kay. Justine is always
Just gotta sell my being "influential." Don't think it'll be too hard. Perception is, after all, 9/10ths of the law. Take it away, Tom.