The Hangover Pt. II

Holy fuck, does this movie suck.  You'd think that over the course of two hours that they'd eventually stumble upon a joke, if only by accident.  I can't remember the last movie I saw that sucked this bad (R.O.T.O.R. [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098156/] immediately comes to mind, but that was a low-budget throwaway not a major studio sequel coming off a legitimate hit). You've seen the trailer for this thing.  The trailer isn't funny.  And that is every single remotely funny scene in the goddamn thing.  This should've been a slam dunk.  The last sure-thing fucked up this bad was the Matrix, of which parts 2 and 3 were so progressively awful that after you saw 3, you went back and thought, "Part 2 wasn't so bad..."

I sat through the shitfest that is The Hangover Pt. II for two excruciating fucking hours without so much as a courtesy laugh.  I got free tickets, and I still wanted my money back to be compensated for the time I lost.  The only movie I ever walked out of was Crash, not the delightful Best Picture Oscar winner that played a significant role in my second divorce, but the adaptation of the J.G. Ballard novel about automobile crash fetishists.  I didn't walk out this time, but only because I was hanging out hope, like a lousy round of golf, longing for that one pure stroke...  But it never came.

How do you fuck this up?  The Hangover is awesome.  Fresh, spontaneous, outlandish, original, it's a goddam laugh riot.  You have Zach Galifianakis.

With that guy, this shit writes itself.  You have to try really really hard to try and make this guy not funny.  But somehow Todd Phillips and co. manage to do just that.  There's no "plot spoiler," since anything I can write to dissuade you from seeing this crapfest is doing you a goddamn favor.  Plus, if you've seen the first one, you've seen this one, just minus every single laugh.  It's like the Ben Stiller fake sequel trailers in Tropic Thunder, Scorcher Pt. II - VI.

The "humor" in The Hangover Pt. II feels so forced and comes at you with such desperation, it make you actually uncomfortable watching it, like sitting through a two-hour routine of a Star Search comedian ("Black people dance like this!  White people dance like this!")  Oh, look, Stu just got fucked by a tranny in the ass.  In Bang-cock!  Get it?  Hilarious.  Oh, look, there's a monkey!  Smoking a cigarette. And... Nope.  That's the whole joke.

And why should they take time to make sure the sequel is good when idiots such as I, who already knew going in it was going to suck, still sign up willingly to sit through it.

In today's Yahoo, I saw this:

http://screenrant.com/hangover-3-plot-details-sandy-118955/

What pisses me off the most is that, yeah, I'll probably see that one, too.  Sometimes I really hate myself.